Academy Finally Acknowledges 'Best Deaf Director' Category; No One Goes Up To Claim Award When Announced

I would like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press.  You know, the last few decades haven’t been easy…unless you’re a white male director THAT CAN HEAR!!  There’s been great applause for the nomination and granting of Oscars for women, men and women of color – the lines of sexuality and gender identity continue to crumble as well.  That’s why the Academy Awards recent decision to add a Best Deaf Director category was such a breath of fresh air.  Unfortunately, I don’t think they thought it through.

This year, as Reese Witherspoon read through the nominees, most of the would-be Oscar winning directors were deafly looking at their phones or quietly eating their dinners in ignorant deaf bliss.  One camera shot was of a seat-filler as phenom deaf-directing bastard Jacques Phillipe was actually in the men’s room, enjoying a plop-free visit to the stall!  Then, when she finally announced that Sheila ‘don’t call me deaf bitch’ Shultz won the golden statue, she never even came up.  Reese was up there screaming her little heart out.  Finally, she shrugged and said ‘I gwadwy accept dis awawd on behof of Sheiwa’.  Two steps forward, one step back.