Local Church Really Happy With Missionary Program; Less Pleased With My Suggestion For A Doggystyle Program

Look, the Church has been under some some scrutiny lately for some unsavory behavior – I get it, but I also felt like things were loosening up a bit. So, it came as a bit of a surprise when I went to my local congregation meeting, and my cutting edge ideas were rebuffed!

When Sally Jensen brought up her idea about a missionary program in Costa Rica, everyone went crazy for it like she was Mother fucking Theresa – I took the momentum and suggested a doggystle program in the Bahamas and the room went silent?!  OK, maybe Laos?  I mean, I don’t know what you guys are into...different strokes for different folks?   I don’t get it – I mean, everyone week we pass that silver dish around for an ‘offering’ – the only other time I’ve seen that is when we had a couple strippers to the frat, and they said if we passed the hat and got enough money together, they’d do a toy show!

Well, I said, 'Fine, we’ll go with Sally’s great idea'…and sank back into my chair.  Ultimately, she got shot down too though, when Pastor John suggested using the funds to host a wine mixer with all the altar boys from the neighboring churches.  Go figure!