All This California Mudslide Talk Is Making Me Thirsty!

One can only imagine the heartbreak that accompanies these tragic mudslides that are ravaging California homes and lives...and I can barely get through one more heart-wrenching news story.  Not because I'm feeling any compassion or sympathy, but because it's making me thirsty.  And not just for a drink -- for a shot of Kahlua, disguised as a milkshake/sundae.

Every time I hear Anderson Cooper mention the disastrous mudslides, it whisks me away to a 4pm happy hour with my loosely-acquainted co-workers.  I should be feeling sympathy -- and I am, but it's for Judy in accounting who is telling me how someone ate her Cheesecake Factory leftovers from the work fridge, even though they were clearly labeled.

I want to feel upset and think about how I can help when I hear Tucker Carlson explain that these left-wing California crybabies are losing their homes.  All I really think about losing is my mind, when our spunky waitress delivers 4 sweet, creamy mudslides accompanied with some boneless wings lathered in BBQ sauce that is made from Jack Daniel's whiskey.  A sauce made from whiskey!!  It's like a Jack N Coke, but it's a Jack N Chicken.  Yes, please!

I'm so fortunate to live far from the mudslides' treacherous path, I should want to find out how to give money to the cause.  But, I can only think of giving my money to that needy Golden Tee machine in the corner.  Honestly, it's just a game -- and those families could sure use that money -- but, Jim from HR has been talking mad shit, and I'm finally gonna shut him down.